LDS Family Services
% Adoption Services
President Monson
November 15, 2011
November 15, 2011
To whom it may concern:
I am writing to your office as a concerned mother, grandmother and citizen. My name is Jennifer Graham, my son Jake Strickland had his child placed for adoption through your Sandy office without his consent. Jake is rightfully contesting this adoption because he did not give consent to place his son. Jake supported Whitney Pettersson (the birth mother) through out the pregnancy, financially, emotionally and physically and they were planning to raise their son together.
I am sending this letter to request that you please review my concerns with your social workers and various individuals who work with birth mothers who are considering adoption. Please, please do not discount the birth father. He has rights to his unborn child, and his child has the right to know his/her father. I understand the position of the Church on unwed mothers, adoption and single parents. I also understand that the laws in Utah are written to support adoption and the adoptive couple more than the rights of the birth father. By not addressing the birth fathers you are potentially destroying one family to create another.
The issues which concern me are the actions taken by the social workers and LDS Service representatives in the case of my son and grandson. And more than likely other cases.
These actions included but were not limited to the use of some state adoption laws over others which were used to avoid and ensure that Jake the birth father would not be told of the plan to place his only child. Whitney unbeknownst to Jake is still legally married, and though Whitney told the social workers that Jake was Jackson’s (my grandson) father, her husband was called in to sign consent to place Jackson. Kyle, who is Whitney’s husband expressed his great concern of signing away another man’s child and expressed that he did not feel right to do so. There are several statements which were of great concern Kyle will testify to these in our case. But, my concern lies with the fact the social workers, Whitney, and yes even the adoptive couple and their family knew that Jake was Jackson’s father, not her husband. Yet, the part of the law which states the husband is the presumed father was used to have Kyle sign away Jakes’ rights to his only child.
I know for a fact that the adoptive couple knew of Jake, because I know the prospective father and his family. When I was a teenager I babysat this “man”, so I called his parents once I was made aware that they had my grandson and they told me that they knew Jake was Jackson’s (now called Ben) father. Why, then would Jake be talked about and known as Jackson’s father to all involved but not considered important enough to be contacted for consent? Why would Kyle, a man who stated and was clearly known not to be Jackson’s father be coursed into signing away another man’s child?
Whitney was with Jake the night before Jackson was born at the temple lights, they talked and text throughout the day Jackson was born, December 29th 2010. Whitney never said she was at the hospital or that she was in labor. Jake started a new job on the 30th of December and did not see Whitney but continued to talk and text her through January 5th when she finally told him that Jackson had been born and given away.
Whitney had told Jake about a “doctors” appointment that she was to have supposedly gone to on the 3rd of January, going as far as to say there was no change and Jackson was still to be delivered on Jan 12, 2011 at 7:30 via c-section. Jake had originally planned to go to the doctors with Whitney but then they had decided that he would be better off waiting until Jackson was born on the 12th and use his time off then so he could be with both Jackson and Whitney. You can see our story on our blog site getbabyjackback.com.
Though I am not holding the agency responsible for Whitney’s actions I am holding the agency responsible and questioning why an agency which uses the name of the Church would take such actions to ensure that Jake was not asked for consent, and placed a child through lies, deceptive and fraudulent actions. Jake would not have given consent he would have been able to file and made you aware that he would not give up his son.
To let you know, Whitney had threatened throughout the pregnancy that if Jake filed paternity he would never see his son. She stated over and over again that it would mean to her that he did not trust her. He should use the money it would cost to file and the cost of an attorney instead for her and their child. Since they were planning on raising Jackson together, and they both agreed on what and how Jackson would be raised Whitney told Jake that it was not necessary and would mean that he did not believe and trust her.
Funny, Jake was to distrust and not believe Whitney, the mother of his child, a woman that he had a relationship with and did not have any reason not to believe. But, from what we have been told the social workers working with Whitney trusted and believed her at her word. Interesting that from the outside looking in everyone knows better, and feels justified to judge others. Everyone involved states Jake should have filed and presumed Whitney was a liar – though LDS Family Services is and was not held to this same standard and accountability.
Now as a result of the actions taken to help Whitney give up Jackson, the deception used to ensure that Jake was not aware of her plan and actions, the adoptive couple has a child given to them through lies and fraudulent actions. They are now forced to create a family on a foundation of fraud, lies and deception, a foundation which will crumble and fall apart over time. LDS Services’ actions has not helped create a loving, caring home for Jackson, but one which will always have the shadow of deceit lingering overhead. The adoptive couple are aware and have been told that Jake did not place Jackson, and Whitney and the social workers acted through deception and misrepresentations to place Jackson with them. They also have been told by me through letters, a phone call I had with their parents and a social worker, Pam Taylor at LDS services. I will also share the truth with Jackson one day, and until then I will continue to tell Jackson’s story to everyone and anyone. Adoption through lies, deceit and fraud is wrong. Taking a child from a loving, caring, supportive and good father without his consent is wrong.
The truth of Jackson’s birth is supported through pictures of Whitney and Jake throughout the pregnancy, including pictures of them at Jackson’s baby shower. There are over 880 text messages, emails, letters, affidavits, time lines, money orders (paying doctor bills) receipts for his crib and bedding. Bank statements and various other documents all which support the truth that Whitney and Jake were together and Jake had been lead to believe that he and Whitney would be raising their son. Proof that Jake had supported and cared for Whitney and Jackson, that he did not and would not place Jackson for adoption all of this information will be given to Jackson when he is older as well.
The hurt and pain which has been caused by the misguided actions of these social workers who’s only thought was of placing a child with this couple at any cost, is unbelievable. There has been no consideration of the devastating ramifications to this “family” built on fraud. To the destruction of Jakes’ life without his son, or Jake’s extended family and friends devastation for not only not having Jackson, but the heartbreak of watching Jake being torn apart. The worst is the fact that there is no consideration to what these actions will do to Jackson when he learns the truth. That he was taken away from his loving father and family through lies and deception by Whitney and LDS Family Services.
Adoption is a very wonderful and necessary part of a civilized society, but when a child is taken from a loving, capable, good parent without consent it is not adoption, it is wrong. Adoptees have many issues which they go through in their lives because they are adopted. I am sure that you are very aware of the feelings which these individuals struggle with from childhood through out their adult lives. Even when there is no fraud, and the placement of the child was in their best interest, they struggle with these feelings.
Establishing one's identity is the major task of adolescence. Teenagers, whether adopted or not, must deal with such questions as, Who am I? Where do I fit? What do I want to do with my life? For those who were adopted, the search for personal identity is complicated every step of the way by the mystery of their genetic background. They wonder who gave them their particular characteristics, and they want answers to questions their adopted parents may not be able to provide: Where do I get my artistic talent? Was everyone in my birth family short? What is my ethnic background? Why was I placed for adoption?
A twenty-four-year-old adult adoptee, who was adopted as an infant, says, I feel like a cereal box with no ingredients. Even my furniture has a tag that says what it is made of. And written on the tag is `do not remove.'
Why should Jackson be made to go through these types of feelings and issues when he was not given up, he was and is wanted and loved by his father. Jackson has a sister, Whitney’s and Kyle’s daughter Emery. Emery and Jackson have the right to know each other, Kyle and Jake will see to it that they do. Jackson has cousins and family who love him and he has the right to know and be raised with them. Jackson has the right to know throughout his life what his “ingredients are” he did have a tag “do not remove” but it was torn off through lies, deception and fraud. And will be hidden by LDS Family Services if he allowed to be adopted and not returned home rightfully to his father.
Our Heavenly Father does not support fraud and deception; he does not support the outcome resulting from these actions. It is immoral and unethical to expect the adoptive couple to have to suffer the pain and devastation these lies, misrepresentations and deception will cause when their families are torn apart because the truth is known. What else will Jackson question later in life if all he has known with the adoptive couple was based on lies. How and who is he to believe and trust, when everything in his life is based on deception and fraud.
We are not to be the judge of our fellow man, nor are we to act as executioner in a civilized society. But, by using and manipulating the laws of the land and individuals to deny and unjustly cut a biological father out of his child’s life is wrong, immoral, and unethical.
To manipulate and use people when placing a child for adoption is not only devastating to the biological parents (in this case the father), but the adoptive child, adoptive couple, and their extended families. The power which has been given your agency as an industry to facilitate adoptions is not a power to be taken lightly or to be abused. The direct results of your actions will have lifetime consequences for everyone. Directly to the child, birth parents, adoptive parents and all extended families but society it self. Adult adoptees struggle daily with not only normal issues but additionally from the challenges from being adopted, whether or not it was good or bad. A fraudulent adoption or one which was done through lies and deception will only create pain and destruction later for that child.
You may then ask why tell Jackson about Jake if the truth will only hurt him?
Should Jackson be denied the right to know the truth because of Whitney’s lies and LDS Family Services deceptive actions, I do not believe so. Even LDS Services’ own legal counsel David Hardy believes that Jackson has the right to know the truth.
Please, please stop discounting birth fathers and their rights to their children. Do not allow fraudulent actions by birth mothers to destroy the adoptive families that you are creating. Though the State of Utah adoption laws allow for fraud in adoptions, it is not morally and ethically right. And by representing the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints you have the responsibility to be an institution of honesty, high morals and values which the church and our Heavenly Father stand for.
To the Sandy office, you have the authority to stop the adoption of Jackson. You can correct this injustice and return Jackson to Jake before the wounds are too deep. J and J should be placed with the child that they requested, one which was placed for adoption through the consent of both biological parents. Do not condemn J and J to a family built on Fraud. Do not deny Jackson his loving father and family.
Taking a child from a loving, good parent who is able to provide and care for them is the ultimate betrayal, to the child, parent(s) and society. To carry the name of the Church which stands for all that is good and honest, and then to take actions to ensure that a birth father is deceived, intentionally dismissed and avoided to take a child, is wrong.
The adoption laws in Utah need to be changed and the actions to exclude the birth fathers and unjustly terminate their rights to their children must stop. I pledge that I will do everything in my power to correct and change the laws, and stop this injustice. I also am asking that you, as an adoption agency, representing the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints take a stand to correct this case and take a stand for honest and consensual adoptions. It will take actions like this to stop the fraudulent, illegal actions taken and supported by the current Utah Adoption laws.
Adoption attorney Wes Hutchins said Utah law supports deception. "She can lie. She can misrepresent. She can commit fraud. That's expressly what the state permits the woman to do". He is also President of the Utah Adoption Council.
Utah’s Supreme Court Justice Christine Durham wrote, "Utah risks becoming a magnet for those seeking to unfairly cut off opportunities for biological fathers to assert their rights to a connection with their children." The statement was part of a dissenting opinion in the O'Dea v. Olea case.
As a society and members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can we support adoption laws which our Heavenly Father does not and would not support, lying, misrepresentation and fraud. Are we as citizens of the United States of American and Utah going to allow Utah to become a breading ground for those who seek to adopt or place children for adoption under fraudulent and devious actions.
Stand up for what is right, bring Jackson home to his loving father and family and do not allow for fraud in our adoption laws.
Respectively,
Jennifer Graham
Jake’s mother and
Jackson’s grandmother
Check out
ReplyDeleteUnwed Fathers Can't Win Against the Mormons in Utah
We are with you and wish you every success in having your son returned to you.