Letter one: To the adoptive couple

November 15th, 2011

Dear J and J, (full names have been removed at the request of Jake)

I would like to start by saying that a copy of this letter and the certified mailing receipt has been retained in the binders that we have to share with Jackson when he is older.  Next I would like to state that Jake nor his attorney have any knowledge that I am writing to you, I am only doing so to share my feelings and comments as a mother, grandmother and woman.  What you decide to do with this letter and information is completely up to you, I am not making any threats or demands, though I am requesting that you contact us, to see and talk to Jake for yourself to understand the truth surrounding Jackson’s birth and family.   You can contact us through the blog at getbabyjackback.com, the Facebook page under the same name…contact information has been removed.  J your parents and you also know me, my siblings and father…contact info. removed.  You can contact him for my or Jake’s contact information.  That said I would like to share my thoughts with you regarding, Jake, Jackson (aka Benjamin... full name removed) and our family.  Yes, this is my side but you have the right to know all sides of this story since it directly impacts your lives and family now and in the future.

I have included some photos of our time with Whitney during her pregnancy with Jackson which show that she and Jake were together up through the night before Jackson was born.  There was no indication that Jackson was to be given up for adoption, in fact Whitney had requested that I take time off work to care for her and Jackson after she gave birth on January 12, 2011 via C-section.    I planned to take 3 weeks off work and had received approval to do so.  These are only some of the supporting documents which we have and are willing and wanting to share with you. 

That day in April 2010 when Jake came home and told me that Whitney was expecting will forever be burned into my memory.  Jake was a little nervous and wasn’t sure how the news would go over, he and Whitney had only been dating for four months.  I told him that news of a baby was always wonderful and thrilling, but I was the grandma not the parent and the parents role is the one of responsibility and to always put the best interest of the child first, he should be nervous.  Jake’s response was that he would always put his child first and was very excited for the baby and family life, in fact he had already made plans to take another job to ensure that he would be able to make enough money to pay off some bills and have money to prepare for his new family. 

As we shared the news with the rest of the family the reaction was the same, excitement for this new child and member of our family.  The relationship of Whitney and Jake was up to them and we would handle whatever they decided to do as a couple, that did not affect our feelings of this wonderful blessing of adding Jackson to our family.  

Although I was very aware of some of the feelings which Whitney was going through, I had been pregnant at 19 and not married.  It was a lot to take on, with Whitney’s additional two children, Austin who was killed at 13 months and Emery not even a year.   On top of that from what Whitney told us she had a very abusive upbringing and marriage, which had just recently ended in a bad divorce.   I wanted to make sure that Whitney felt welcomed into our home and family no matter what Jake and she decided to do as far as marriage.  She was the mother of my grandchild and therefore I would do what I could to create a relationship with her to ensure she felt loved as well.  During the 3 ½ months that Jake was in Texas working for Apex Alarm as well as after he returned, we spent lots of time with Whitney, including Jackson’s cousins baby shower, the 24^th of July, Christmas parties, Jackson’s baby shower and various other family dinners and parties.

I also called and spoke with Whitney many nights on my way home from work and when I was out of town I called just to check on her and make sure she did not need anything.  Jake and Whitney spoke daily as well,  Whitney even told us that sometimes she runs out of things to say to him, which surprised us because Jake is not the phone type, we have to call him most of the time and then the conversations were not very long.  So we knew that Jake was making sure that Whitney knew that he cared and was interested in her, Jackson and Emery.  At one point Whitney was looking for apartments for her and Jake to live in when he returned from Texas and was trying to find one close to our home, so she appeared to be comfortable with us as well, so we thought.

I have the entire timeline documented through pictures, affidavits, letters, receipts, money orders, emails and texts which we are willing to share with you.  Through this letter I am asking that you try to understand the pain that we have been going through since we found out that Jackson was gone. As well as the reasons we are and have been fighting so hard to bring Jackson home.

Please understand I am not blaming you for these actions taken by Whitney with the assistance of the social workers at LDS Family Services.  I know that you did not request a child at any cost to complete your family, nor did you or would you have agreed to accept a child through fraud.  But, that is what has happened.  Because Whitney lied and deceived Jake about her intentions you were able to take Jackson home from the hospital, not him.  And now that Jake is rightfully fighting for his son, you have not been able to bless Jackson (aka Benjamin) or be sealed to him as you have so desired.   Jackson is currently without a social security number, a legal name and birth certificate; there is only the document which states Whitney is his mother and his is father unknown.  This is not right; no one should be without a name and legal record which acknowledges their existence.

As a mother, I want to share with you the fact that Jake is a wonderful man.  He has always been a good, kind, hard working person.  Growing up and now Jake always has had a lot of friends, he is  the one the younger kids always want to be around, he babysat for numerous family members and friends because the children requested him to do so. Jake befriended a young neighbor child who is physically handicapped, this child’s mother still talks about how much Jake’s kindness has meant to her son and their family over the past years.  In high school Jake took extra classes in health occupation which meant when he graduated he was also a full EMT.  He participated in HOSA, which is a club for health occupations and was able to compete in a National competition in Nashville where he placed 5^th in the Nation.  Jake attended Utah State with pre-med as his major, he had to come home to deal with a major medical issue and was working to return to school when he met Whitney.  

You will not find one person who will say anything but good things of Jake, I am so very proud that he is my son and Jackson’s father.

The pain which I have watched Jake endure these last 10 and ½ months has been unbearable, he is stuck in limbo he cannot move forward with school or a social life because his has had to fight for his son.  The thought of life without his only child is heartbreaking for him, as I am sure you know all too well.     I am not sure if you have thought of this but Jake lost not only his son on January 5^th  (this is the night that he found out Jackson had been born and given away) , but Whitney and Emery and everything that he had believed was true about them as a couple and family.  His life was taken away when you took Jackson home, it was your greatest joy and his worst moment and the reason for his continuing pain.

As Jackson’s grandma I want you to know and believe, I have always loved and will continue to love my sweet grandson.  I know that someday he will know that and all this information will be available to him, whether or not he is returned rightfully to his father now or after he is 18.  Jackson has the right to know about himself and his family.    Boston, who is Jackson’s cousin and Emery, Jackson’s sister, will also be told of Jackson when they are old enough to understand.  They are Jackson’s family and also have the right to know the truth. 

Again I am not trying to be hurtful but want to share the truth.  Heavenly Father is a God of love and honesty; he does not work through lies, fraud and deception.  I do not understand why this has happened to Jackson, Jake, you and our families but I believe that the truth will prevail.  I also know that if you give Jackson directly back to LDS Family Services they very well could give him away again, so we need to work together.  I also understand that your attorney is not going to like that I have contacted you and am requesting you to contact us.  But, I also do not believe that he will be around when Jackson starts asking you questions about his birth father and why he was given up for adoption.  Most likely your attorney will not pay for counseling when Jackson is older and finds out the truth, if he is not told before 18 or when he is told after 18. 

It will be difficult to teach Jackson to be honest in his dealing, trust worthy and not to lie when opposite of each of those actions is how and why you were able to adopt him and create your family. 

I have included a copy of a letter I have written to share with Jackson when he is older, it is his right to understand and know the truth.  He was never given up; he was and is loved and wanted by his father and family. 

Whether or not you contact us, or if the court determines whether Jackson is rightfully being returned home or not, there will come a day when he will be able to know the truth.  With technology and advancements in the world today Jackson may very easily contact Jake or another member of his family first, please understand he has the right to know everything.

Again, my intent is not to be mean or spiteful I need to express my feelings and desire to make things right not only for Jake and Jackson, but for you as well. 

You have a child out there somewhere who is waiting for you that has been or will be placed for adoption by consent from both parents.  With that child you will be able to go to the temple and be sealed, will be able to create a family on a foundation of love, honesty and truth.  A family foundation which will stand the test of time and eternity.  But, right now you are in the middle of this contested adoption battle and have not been able to continue to be available for that child. You are only holding on to the hope that things will work out for you with Jackson who you already have.  There is a reason you have not been able to complete your family, Jackson is not your son he needs to come home.

If Jackson is left with you, your family will be built on a foundation of lies, deceit and fraud a foundation which will crack and crumble in time.  It is not right to do this to you, you should not be the ones to have to explain to Jackson, Whitney’s and LDS Family Services’ actions.  They are the ones who need to justify why they did what they did.  You should not be the ones to feel hurt, betrayed or pained when asked by Jackson questions of his birth Father, Jake, and his family and have to justify that fraud was ok for Jackson’s case.

You may think you can justify that you can provide a better family environment, or that you love Jackson more.  Before you do give Jackson these types of responses please speak with adult adoptees regarding their feelings regarding their birth parents. 

Most will tell you that they had questions of why their birth parents did not want them, and gave them up, most have wondered how different their lives would have been if they had been left with their birth parents.  Good or bad.   If they have other siblings, extended family, do they look like them, do they have the same traits, talents or interest.  These are normal questions.

Then ask those adult adoptees how they would feel if they found out that their birth father never wanted to give them up, he is and was an upstanding citizen, he had been able and willing to provide for them, had loved and prepared for them.  Then ask how they would feel if they knew that they were placed under fraudulent circumstances and their adoptive parents had known that their father wanted, loved and was fighting for them from the moment that he knew they were placed.  Their birth mother lied and deceived him throughout her pregnancy and for 7 days after they were born, continuing to tell him she was still pregnant. But, their adoptive parents got to keep them anyway because fraud is allowed in the “law”.

Just because the law states that fraud, lying and deception can be used to place a child in Utah does not make it right.  Slavery was once protected by the law, though it was not morally right. 

Adoption attorney Wes Hutchins said Utah law supports deception. "She can lie. She can misrepresent. She can commit fraud. That's expressly what the state permits the woman to do".   He is also President of the Utah Adoption Council

Utah’s Supreme Court Justice Christine Durham wrote, "Utah risks becoming a magnet for those seeking to unfairly cut off opportunities for biological fathers to assert their rights to a connection with their children." The statement was part of a dissenting opinion in the O'Dea v. Olea case.

Do you really want to start your family based on fraud though allowed by law? Do you really want to explain to Jackson that because of fraud, lies and deception you were able to adopt him away from his loving father and family?

 I know your family J, they are kind people who taught you good and moral values.  Truth and honesty are two of those values that I know you learned by the way that your father speaks of you, he is very proud.  I am sure that these same values are the ones that you strive to instill in your life and family, but starting with a child given to you through lies and deceit will not allow you to do this. 

Please make this right, contact us so that we can discuss this and return Jackson to his father so that you can move forward and be able to work through a consensual adoption to receive the child(ren) that you so desire.  

Below is the state law which Dave Hardy used as his defense on September 27, 2011. 

Utah State Law 78B-6-106 Responsibility of each party for own actions-fraud or misrepresentations. “Any person injured by fraudulent representations or actions in connection with an adoption is entitled to pursue civil or criminal penalties in accordance with existing law.  A fraudulent representation is not a defense to strict compliance with the requirements of this chapter, and is not a basis for dismissal of a petition for adoption, vacation of an adoption decree, or an automatic grant of custody to the offended party. Custody determinations shall be based on the best interest of the child, in accordance with the provisions of section 78B-6-133.”

Jake complied with every aspect but filing for paternity, he provided for Whitney and Jackson, financially, emotionally and physically.  He prepared and planned for Jackson.   Though when Jake told Whitney the requirement to file she told him that if he did that meant that he did not trust her and the funds that Jake would use to file and retain an attorney would be better used for Jackson and for their family.  Whitney threatened several times if Jake did not do things she wanted he would not see his son, we can show you the text messages that support this.  LDS Family attorney David Hardy has seen them and they have been submitted to the courts as well.  There are over 880 texts just from November through January 5^th, you will want to read them all, because Jackson will.

                                                                     Respectfully,

                                                                        Jennifer Hanson Graham

                                                                        Grandma Graham