Dear Jackson:
It's been almost 14 long and unbearable months since you have been gone. We think about you every single day. We wish we knew what you looked like, how you were developing, what milestones you have hit and be able to squeeze you with love whenever our hearts desire. Our hearts ache that you can not be here with us and are not able to play with your cousin Boston. Every day when we look at him, we just wonder if you look like him with big baby blue eyes, a head full of dark brown hair and chubby cheeks. Jackson, everyday is a struggle not having you in our home, and we are longing for the day that we get to see your sweet face.
Jackson, we are fighting so hard to bring you back home! We have a great new attorney Wes Hutchins, who has done so much for our case in the past two weeks. We just filed a motion to intervene in the adoption that had been finalized fraudulently behind the judge's orders up in 2nd District. This gives us some hope, that we will get to meet you before you are 18. Wes brought up many valid arguments and points such as your daddy's constitutional rights have been cut off to parent, fraud, fraud and more fraud, and the parental kidnapping act. There has been a small victory for another father fighting for his child who was living in Colorado at the time. Robert Manzanare's case was overturned in the Utah Supreme Court. If we have to go that far we have a VERY VERY great chance at having our case overturned.
Jackson, I hope you realize what a special special boy you are, and how many people truly love you. You have had such an impact on thousands of people. You are helping to get the laws changed in the state of Utah as well as helping other father's out there be able to raise their children. Although, your family is sacrificing right now, we know eventually who you will be with.
We love you so much Jackson and we hope we have a court date soon!
Love,
Your family
Showing posts with label Baby Jack's Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baby Jack's Story. Show all posts
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Monday, February 6, 2012
Dueling Adoption Bills
The attempt at changing the adoption laws is great, but they really aren't addressing the real issue here. FRAUD is allowed in a law with children. There will be a hearing today at Utah State Capitol builidng at 2:00 PM. Be there if you can.
© 2012 The Salt Lake Tribune
Dueling bills address giving unwed fathers notice of adoption
Legislation • Pair take different approaches to notify men of Utah adoption proceedings.
Two lawmakers want to address the rights unwed biological fathers have in an adoption proceeding, but with notably different approaches.
SB55, sponsored by Sen. Todd Weiler, R-Woods Cross, says a birth mother, adoption agency or attorneys involved may send a “prebirth notice” to any presumed father informing him of a potential adoption proceeding in Utah. HB308, sponsored by Rep. Christine Watkins, D-Price, would require such notices, but only to out-of-state fathers.
Each bill gives the father 30 days to respond to the notice by acting to protect his rights in Utah; failure to respond in that time period would extinguish any right to object to the adoption. Watkins’ bill would eliminate the need for a father to take court action before he can file with the state’s Putative Father Registry, while Weiler’s bill would keep in place the current requirement that an unwed father file a paternity action in court before he can file with the registry. He must do both to be entitled to notice under Utah’s current adoption law.
The House Health and Human Services Committee will consider HB308 Monday at 2 p.m.
Weiler said recent Utah Supreme Court decisions, including a Jan. 27 ruling in favor of a Colorado father’s right to intervene in an adoption, have “highlighted” the lack of a notice provision in Utah’s statute.
“This bill will address that public outcry we’ve been hearing,” said Weiler, an attorney who has handled more than 50 adoption cases, including some involving unmarried biological fathers. “I think this strikes a good balance between the various interests at stake.”
Weiler’s bill also adds that an unwed father has “at least” one business day after a child’s birth to act to protect his rights, language aimed at addressing a 2007 Utah Supreme Court decision that found it was unconstitutional to not allow extra time when a birth occurs on a weekend or holiday.
Weiler’s bill was crafted with help from attorney Larry Jenkins, chairman of the Utah Adoption Council’s standards and practice committee. Jenkins, who is being sued by a Virginia father who alleges a vast conspiracy exists in Utah to take children from unwed biological fathers, was unavailable for immediate comment Friday.
But attorney David Hardy, the council’s past president, said the industry group approved the “general ideas” in the bill.
“The reason for that is it allows a birth mother to give notice and plan ahead as far as what is going to happen with the child,” Hardy said. “It is something the birth mother may elect to follow, but she can say, ‘I don’t want to.’ It’s not mandatory.”
The notice provision would have no effect on an unwed father’s responsibility to independently register and begin a paternity action to protect his rights before a mother gives birth.
Hardy said Weiler’s proposal is modeled after adoption laws in Arizona and Indiana.
“We understand from adoption practitioners in other states it works well,” Hardy said.
But in Arizona, mothers don’t have a choice about notification once an adoption action has been filed with the court. They must then identify potential fathers and inform them they are pursuing an adoption.
Wes Hutchins, an adoption attorney, consulted on Watkins’ bill and believes it is the stronger of the two proposals.
“Absolutely,” said Hutchins, who is the council’s current president but spoke independently of the group. “It does a better job of protecting the rights of out-of-state birth fathers and preventing birth mothers from forum shopping in Utah.”
Weiler’s bill reinforces what’s known as the immunity clause in Utah’s adoption law, which says an unwed father cannot use fraud by the birth mother as a defense for his failure to act. It adds language that says once a birth father receives a notice, his responsibility to act remains intact no matter what the birth mother may tell him.
“If she comes back and says she’s changed her mind, that doesn’t change his responsibility,” Hardy said.
Neither proposed bill states when in the pregnancy the notice to an unwed father should occur, though Hardy noted “it is not something that works late in the pregnancy” since under Utah law a birth mother may irrevocably relinquish her parental rights and consent to an adoption within a day of giving birth. The proposal may conflict with existing law that gives an out-of-state father 20 days to act when he discovers after the fact that his child was born and placed for adoption in Utah.
“That’s an open question we may need to look at,” Hardy said.
brooke@sltrib.com
© 2012 The Salt Lake Tribune
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Unfortunately
Unfortunately court did not go as we hoped on Tuesday. Judge Christiansen said that this case really disturbed him and even had called up Judge Kay in 2nd District and talked with him about the details of this case. Christiansen stated that since Larry Jenkins, and David Hardy went up to 2nd District behind his back, he no longer had jurisdiction over this case. He said the next step would be to petition the adoption up in 2nd District and try to plead our case to Judge Kay and try to get the adoption set aside. There is a grim reality for us that this is the end of these court actions, and our next step after 2nd District would be to appeal to the Utah Supreme Court. We still are baffled because no one has ruled yet that Jake DID not file timely even though that has been LDS Family Services argument.
We are still hoping and praying for a positive outcome. We would love more than anything to meet this sweet little boy of ours. There is not a day that goes by that we don't think of Jackson. He is such a special little boy and he will always have a special place in our hearts.
Thank you so much for all of the sweet words of encouragement. It truly helps us get through some of the days.
Jackson, we love you so much. One day, you will get to meet your sweet daddy, and the family that loved you first. We love you always and forever.
We are still hoping and praying for a positive outcome. We would love more than anything to meet this sweet little boy of ours. There is not a day that goes by that we don't think of Jackson. He is such a special little boy and he will always have a special place in our hearts.
Thank you so much for all of the sweet words of encouragement. It truly helps us get through some of the days.
Jackson, we love you so much. One day, you will get to meet your sweet daddy, and the family that loved you first. We love you always and forever.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Merry Christmas
Merry Christmas Jackson. Our hearts are empty, because you are not here. This time of year is about family, and all we can think about is you. We miss you so much and can't wait for the day we can finally meet you. Jackson, we will never stop fighting for you. We hope you enjoy your first Christmas.
WE LOVE YOU!
Monday, December 19, 2011
Letter two: LDS Family Services
LDS Family Services
% Adoption Services
President Monson
November 15, 2011
November 15, 2011
To whom it may concern:
I am writing to your office as a concerned mother, grandmother and citizen. My name is Jennifer Graham, my son Jake Strickland had his child placed for adoption through your Sandy office without his consent. Jake is rightfully contesting this adoption because he did not give consent to place his son. Jake supported Whitney Pettersson (the birth mother) through out the pregnancy, financially, emotionally and physically and they were planning to raise their son together.
I am sending this letter to request that you please review my concerns with your social workers and various individuals who work with birth mothers who are considering adoption. Please, please do not discount the birth father. He has rights to his unborn child, and his child has the right to know his/her father. I understand the position of the Church on unwed mothers, adoption and single parents. I also understand that the laws in Utah are written to support adoption and the adoptive couple more than the rights of the birth father. By not addressing the birth fathers you are potentially destroying one family to create another.
The issues which concern me are the actions taken by the social workers and LDS Service representatives in the case of my son and grandson. And more than likely other cases.
These actions included but were not limited to the use of some state adoption laws over others which were used to avoid and ensure that Jake the birth father would not be told of the plan to place his only child. Whitney unbeknownst to Jake is still legally married, and though Whitney told the social workers that Jake was Jackson’s (my grandson) father, her husband was called in to sign consent to place Jackson. Kyle, who is Whitney’s husband expressed his great concern of signing away another man’s child and expressed that he did not feel right to do so. There are several statements which were of great concern Kyle will testify to these in our case. But, my concern lies with the fact the social workers, Whitney, and yes even the adoptive couple and their family knew that Jake was Jackson’s father, not her husband. Yet, the part of the law which states the husband is the presumed father was used to have Kyle sign away Jakes’ rights to his only child.
I know for a fact that the adoptive couple knew of Jake, because I know the prospective father and his family. When I was a teenager I babysat this “man”, so I called his parents once I was made aware that they had my grandson and they told me that they knew Jake was Jackson’s (now called Ben) father. Why, then would Jake be talked about and known as Jackson’s father to all involved but not considered important enough to be contacted for consent? Why would Kyle, a man who stated and was clearly known not to be Jackson’s father be coursed into signing away another man’s child?
Whitney was with Jake the night before Jackson was born at the temple lights, they talked and text throughout the day Jackson was born, December 29th 2010. Whitney never said she was at the hospital or that she was in labor. Jake started a new job on the 30th of December and did not see Whitney but continued to talk and text her through January 5th when she finally told him that Jackson had been born and given away.
Whitney had told Jake about a “doctors” appointment that she was to have supposedly gone to on the 3rd of January, going as far as to say there was no change and Jackson was still to be delivered on Jan 12, 2011 at 7:30 via c-section. Jake had originally planned to go to the doctors with Whitney but then they had decided that he would be better off waiting until Jackson was born on the 12th and use his time off then so he could be with both Jackson and Whitney. You can see our story on our blog site getbabyjackback.com.
Though I am not holding the agency responsible for Whitney’s actions I am holding the agency responsible and questioning why an agency which uses the name of the Church would take such actions to ensure that Jake was not asked for consent, and placed a child through lies, deceptive and fraudulent actions. Jake would not have given consent he would have been able to file and made you aware that he would not give up his son.
To let you know, Whitney had threatened throughout the pregnancy that if Jake filed paternity he would never see his son. She stated over and over again that it would mean to her that he did not trust her. He should use the money it would cost to file and the cost of an attorney instead for her and their child. Since they were planning on raising Jackson together, and they both agreed on what and how Jackson would be raised Whitney told Jake that it was not necessary and would mean that he did not believe and trust her.
Funny, Jake was to distrust and not believe Whitney, the mother of his child, a woman that he had a relationship with and did not have any reason not to believe. But, from what we have been told the social workers working with Whitney trusted and believed her at her word. Interesting that from the outside looking in everyone knows better, and feels justified to judge others. Everyone involved states Jake should have filed and presumed Whitney was a liar – though LDS Family Services is and was not held to this same standard and accountability.
Now as a result of the actions taken to help Whitney give up Jackson, the deception used to ensure that Jake was not aware of her plan and actions, the adoptive couple has a child given to them through lies and fraudulent actions. They are now forced to create a family on a foundation of fraud, lies and deception, a foundation which will crumble and fall apart over time. LDS Services’ actions has not helped create a loving, caring home for Jackson, but one which will always have the shadow of deceit lingering overhead. The adoptive couple are aware and have been told that Jake did not place Jackson, and Whitney and the social workers acted through deception and misrepresentations to place Jackson with them. They also have been told by me through letters, a phone call I had with their parents and a social worker, Pam Taylor at LDS services. I will also share the truth with Jackson one day, and until then I will continue to tell Jackson’s story to everyone and anyone. Adoption through lies, deceit and fraud is wrong. Taking a child from a loving, caring, supportive and good father without his consent is wrong.
The truth of Jackson’s birth is supported through pictures of Whitney and Jake throughout the pregnancy, including pictures of them at Jackson’s baby shower. There are over 880 text messages, emails, letters, affidavits, time lines, money orders (paying doctor bills) receipts for his crib and bedding. Bank statements and various other documents all which support the truth that Whitney and Jake were together and Jake had been lead to believe that he and Whitney would be raising their son. Proof that Jake had supported and cared for Whitney and Jackson, that he did not and would not place Jackson for adoption all of this information will be given to Jackson when he is older as well.
The hurt and pain which has been caused by the misguided actions of these social workers who’s only thought was of placing a child with this couple at any cost, is unbelievable. There has been no consideration of the devastating ramifications to this “family” built on fraud. To the destruction of Jakes’ life without his son, or Jake’s extended family and friends devastation for not only not having Jackson, but the heartbreak of watching Jake being torn apart. The worst is the fact that there is no consideration to what these actions will do to Jackson when he learns the truth. That he was taken away from his loving father and family through lies and deception by Whitney and LDS Family Services.
Adoption is a very wonderful and necessary part of a civilized society, but when a child is taken from a loving, capable, good parent without consent it is not adoption, it is wrong. Adoptees have many issues which they go through in their lives because they are adopted. I am sure that you are very aware of the feelings which these individuals struggle with from childhood through out their adult lives. Even when there is no fraud, and the placement of the child was in their best interest, they struggle with these feelings.
Establishing one's identity is the major task of adolescence. Teenagers, whether adopted or not, must deal with such questions as, Who am I? Where do I fit? What do I want to do with my life? For those who were adopted, the search for personal identity is complicated every step of the way by the mystery of their genetic background. They wonder who gave them their particular characteristics, and they want answers to questions their adopted parents may not be able to provide: Where do I get my artistic talent? Was everyone in my birth family short? What is my ethnic background? Why was I placed for adoption?
A twenty-four-year-old adult adoptee, who was adopted as an infant, says, I feel like a cereal box with no ingredients. Even my furniture has a tag that says what it is made of. And written on the tag is `do not remove.'
Why should Jackson be made to go through these types of feelings and issues when he was not given up, he was and is wanted and loved by his father. Jackson has a sister, Whitney’s and Kyle’s daughter Emery. Emery and Jackson have the right to know each other, Kyle and Jake will see to it that they do. Jackson has cousins and family who love him and he has the right to know and be raised with them. Jackson has the right to know throughout his life what his “ingredients are” he did have a tag “do not remove” but it was torn off through lies, deception and fraud. And will be hidden by LDS Family Services if he allowed to be adopted and not returned home rightfully to his father.
Our Heavenly Father does not support fraud and deception; he does not support the outcome resulting from these actions. It is immoral and unethical to expect the adoptive couple to have to suffer the pain and devastation these lies, misrepresentations and deception will cause when their families are torn apart because the truth is known. What else will Jackson question later in life if all he has known with the adoptive couple was based on lies. How and who is he to believe and trust, when everything in his life is based on deception and fraud.
We are not to be the judge of our fellow man, nor are we to act as executioner in a civilized society. But, by using and manipulating the laws of the land and individuals to deny and unjustly cut a biological father out of his child’s life is wrong, immoral, and unethical.
To manipulate and use people when placing a child for adoption is not only devastating to the biological parents (in this case the father), but the adoptive child, adoptive couple, and their extended families. The power which has been given your agency as an industry to facilitate adoptions is not a power to be taken lightly or to be abused. The direct results of your actions will have lifetime consequences for everyone. Directly to the child, birth parents, adoptive parents and all extended families but society it self. Adult adoptees struggle daily with not only normal issues but additionally from the challenges from being adopted, whether or not it was good or bad. A fraudulent adoption or one which was done through lies and deception will only create pain and destruction later for that child.
You may then ask why tell Jackson about Jake if the truth will only hurt him?
Should Jackson be denied the right to know the truth because of Whitney’s lies and LDS Family Services deceptive actions, I do not believe so. Even LDS Services’ own legal counsel David Hardy believes that Jackson has the right to know the truth.
Please, please stop discounting birth fathers and their rights to their children. Do not allow fraudulent actions by birth mothers to destroy the adoptive families that you are creating. Though the State of Utah adoption laws allow for fraud in adoptions, it is not morally and ethically right. And by representing the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints you have the responsibility to be an institution of honesty, high morals and values which the church and our Heavenly Father stand for.
To the Sandy office, you have the authority to stop the adoption of Jackson. You can correct this injustice and return Jackson to Jake before the wounds are too deep. J and J should be placed with the child that they requested, one which was placed for adoption through the consent of both biological parents. Do not condemn J and J to a family built on Fraud. Do not deny Jackson his loving father and family.
Taking a child from a loving, good parent who is able to provide and care for them is the ultimate betrayal, to the child, parent(s) and society. To carry the name of the Church which stands for all that is good and honest, and then to take actions to ensure that a birth father is deceived, intentionally dismissed and avoided to take a child, is wrong.
The adoption laws in Utah need to be changed and the actions to exclude the birth fathers and unjustly terminate their rights to their children must stop. I pledge that I will do everything in my power to correct and change the laws, and stop this injustice. I also am asking that you, as an adoption agency, representing the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Days Saints take a stand to correct this case and take a stand for honest and consensual adoptions. It will take actions like this to stop the fraudulent, illegal actions taken and supported by the current Utah Adoption laws.
Adoption attorney Wes Hutchins said Utah law supports deception. "She can lie. She can misrepresent. She can commit fraud. That's expressly what the state permits the woman to do". He is also President of the Utah Adoption Council.
Utah’s Supreme Court Justice Christine Durham wrote, "Utah risks becoming a magnet for those seeking to unfairly cut off opportunities for biological fathers to assert their rights to a connection with their children." The statement was part of a dissenting opinion in the O'Dea v. Olea case.
As a society and members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints can we support adoption laws which our Heavenly Father does not and would not support, lying, misrepresentation and fraud. Are we as citizens of the United States of American and Utah going to allow Utah to become a breading ground for those who seek to adopt or place children for adoption under fraudulent and devious actions.
Stand up for what is right, bring Jackson home to his loving father and family and do not allow for fraud in our adoption laws.
Respectively,
Jennifer Graham
Jake’s mother and
Jackson’s grandmother
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Letter one: To the adoptive couple
November 15th, 2011
Dear J and J, (full names have been removed at the request of Jake)
Dear J and J, (full names have been removed at the request of Jake)
I would like to start by saying that a copy of this letter and the certified mailing receipt has been retained in the binders that we have to share with Jackson Jackson
I have included some photos of our time with Whitney during her pregnancy with Jackson which show that she and Jake were together up through the night before Jackson Jackson Jackson after she gave birth on January 12, 2011 via C-section. I planned to take 3 weeks off work and had received approval to do so. These are only some of the supporting documents which we have and are willing and wanting to share with you.
That day in April 2010 when Jake came home and told me that Whitney was expecting will forever be burned into my memory. Jake was a little nervous and wasn’t sure how the news would go over, he and Whitney had only been dating for four months. I told him that news of a baby was always wonderful and thrilling, but I was the grandma not the parent and the parents role is the one of responsibility and to always put the best interest of the child first, he should be nervous. Jake’s response was that he would always put his child first and was very excited for the baby and family life, in fact he had already made plans to take another job to ensure that he would be able to make enough money to pay off some bills and have money to prepare for his new family.
As we shared the news with the rest of the family the reaction was the same, excitement for this new child and member of our family. The relationship of Whitney and Jake was up to them and we would handle whatever they decided to do as a couple, that did not affect our feelings of this wonderful blessing of adding Jackson
Although I was very aware of some of the feelings which Whitney was going through, I had been pregnant at 19 and not married. It was a lot to take on, with Whitney’s additional two children, Austin who was killed at 13 months and Emery not even a year. On top of that from what Whitney told us she had a very abusive upbringing and marriage, which had just recently ended in a bad divorce. I wanted to make sure that Whitney felt welcomed into our home and family no matter what Jake and she decided to do as far as marriage. She was the mother of my grandchild and therefore I would do what I could to create a relationship with her to ensure she felt loved as well. During the 3 ½ months that Jake was in Texas working for Apex Alarm as well as after he returned, we spent lots of time with Whitney, including Jackson’s cousins baby shower, the 24th of July, Christmas parties, Jackson’s baby shower and various other family dinners and parties.
I also called and spoke with Whitney many nights on my way home from work and when I was out of town I called just to check on her and make sure she did not need anything. Jake and Whitney spoke daily as well, Whitney even told us that sometimes she runs out of things to say to him, which surprised us because Jake is not the phone type, we have to call him most of the time and then the conversations were not very long. So we knew that Jake was making sure that Whitney knew that he cared and was interested in her, Jackson and Emery. At one point Whitney was looking for apartments for her and Jake to live in when he returned from Texas
I have the entire timeline documented through pictures, affidavits, letters, receipts, money orders, emails and texts which we are willing to share with you. Through this letter I am asking that you try to understand the pain that we have been going through since we found out that Jackson Jackson
Please understand I am not blaming you for these actions taken by Whitney with the assistance of the social workers at LDS Family Services. I know that you did not request a child at any cost to complete your family, nor did you or would you have agreed to accept a child through fraud. But, that is what has happened. Because Whitney lied and deceived Jake about her intentions you were able to take Jackson Jackson
As a mother, I want to share with you the fact that Jake is a wonderful man. He has always been a good, kind, hard working person. Growing up and now Jake always has had a lot of friends, he is the one the younger kids always want to be around, he babysat for numerous family members and friends because the children requested him to do so. Jake befriended a young neighbor child who is physically handicapped, this child’s mother still talks about how much Jake’s kindness has meant to her son and their family over the past years. In high school Jake took extra classes in health occupation which meant when he graduated he was also a full EMT. He participated in HOSA, which is a club for health occupations and was able to compete in a National competition in Nashville Utah
You will not find one person who will say anything but good things of Jake, I am so very proud that he is my son and Jackson
The pain which I have watched Jake endure these last 10 and ½ months has been unbearable, he is stuck in limbo he cannot move forward with school or a social life because his has had to fight for his son. The thought of life without his only child is heartbreaking for him, as I am sure you know all too well. I am not sure if you have thought of this but Jake lost not only his son on January 5th (this is the night that he found out Jackson Jackson
As Jackson Jackson Boston , who is Jackson ’s cousin and Emery, Jackson’s sister, will also be told of Jackson when they are old enough to understand. They are Jackson’s family and also have the right to know the truth.
Again I am not trying to be hurtful but want to share the truth. Heavenly Father is a God of love and honesty; he does not work through lies, fraud and deception. I do not understand why this has happened to Jackson, Jake, you and our families but I believe that the truth will prevail. I also know that if you give Jackson directly back to LDS Family Services they very well could give him away again, so we need to work together. I also understand that your attorney is not going to like that I have contacted you and am requesting you to contact us. But, I also do not believe that he will be around when Jackson starts asking you questions about his birth father and why he was given up for adoption. Most likely your attorney will not pay for counseling when Jackson is older and finds out the truth, if he is not told before 18 or when he is told after 18.
It will be difficult to teach Jackson to be honest in his dealing, trust worthy and not to lie when opposite of each of those actions is how and why you were able to adopt him and create your family.
I have included a copy of a letter I have written to share with Jackson when he is older, it is his right to understand and know the truth. He was never given up; he was and is loved and wanted by his father and family.
Whether or not you contact us, or if the court determines whether Jackson is rightfully being returned home or not, there will come a day when he will be able to know the truth. With technology and advancements in the world today Jackson may very easily contact Jake or another member of his family first, please understand he has the right to know everything.
Again, my intent is not to be mean or spiteful I need to express my feelings and desire to make things right not only for Jake and Jackson, but for you as well.
You have a child out there somewhere who is waiting for you that has been or will be placed for adoption by consent from both parents. With that child you will be able to go to the temple and be sealed, will be able to create a family on a foundation of love, honesty and truth. A family foundation which will stand the test of time and eternity. But, right now you are in the middle of this contested adoption battle and have not been able to continue to be available for that child. You are only holding on to the hope that things will work out for you with Jackson who you already have. There is a reason you have not been able to complete your family, Jackson is not your son he needs to come home.
If Jackson is left with you, your family will be built on a foundation of lies, deceit and fraud a foundation which will crack and crumble in time. It is not right to do this to you, you should not be the ones to have to explain to Jackson, Whitney’s and LDS Family Services’ actions. They are the ones who need to justify why they did what they did. You should not be the ones to feel hurt, betrayed or pained when asked by Jackson questions of his birth Father, Jake, and his family and have to justify that fraud was ok for Jackson’s case.
You may think you can justify that you can provide a better family environment, or that you love Jackson more. Before you do give Jackson these types of responses please speak with adult adoptees regarding their feelings regarding their birth parents.
Most will tell you that they had questions of why their birth parents did not want them, and gave them up, most have wondered how different their lives would have been if they had been left with their birth parents. Good or bad. If they have other siblings, extended family, do they look like them, do they have the same traits, talents or interest. These are normal questions.
Then ask those adult adoptees how they would feel if they found out that their birth father never wanted to give them up, he is and was an upstanding citizen, he had been able and willing to provide for them, had loved and prepared for them. Then ask how they would feel if they knew that they were placed under fraudulent circumstances and their adoptive parents had known that their father wanted, loved and was fighting for them from the moment that he knew they were placed. Their birth mother lied and deceived him throughout her pregnancy and for 7 days after they were born, continuing to tell him she was still pregnant. But, their adoptive parents got to keep them anyway because fraud is allowed in the “law”.
Just because the law states that fraud, lying and deception can be used to place a child in Utah does not make it right. Slavery was once protected by the law, though it was not morally right.
Adoption attorney Wes Hutchins said Utah law supports deception. "She can lie. She can misrepresent. She can commit fraud. That's expressly what the state permits the woman to do". He is also President of the Utah Adoption Council
Utah’s Supreme Court Justice Christine Durham wrote, "Utah risks becoming a magnet for those seeking to unfairly cut off opportunities for biological fathers to assert their rights to a connection with their children." The statement was part of a dissenting opinion in the O'Dea v. Olea case.
Do you really want to start your family based on fraud though allowed by law? Do you really want to explain to Jackson that because of fraud, lies and deception you were able to adopt him away from his loving father and family?
I know your family J, they are kind people who taught you good and moral values. Truth and honesty are two of those values that I know you learned by the way that your father speaks of you, he is very proud. I am sure that these same values are the ones that you strive to instill in your life and family, but starting with a child given to you through lies and deceit will not allow you to do this.
Please make this right, contact us so that we can discuss this and return Jackson to his father so that you can move forward and be able to work through a consensual adoption to receive the child(ren) that you so desire.
Below is the state law which Dave Hardy used as his defense on September 27, 2011.
Utah State Law 78B-6-106 Responsibility of each party for own actions-fraud or misrepresentations. “Any person injured by fraudulent representations or actions in connection with an adoption is entitled to pursue civil or criminal penalties in accordance with existing law. A fraudulent representation is not a defense to strict compliance with the requirements of this chapter, and is not a basis for dismissal of a petition for adoption, vacation of an adoption decree, or an automatic grant of custody to the offended party. Custody determinations shall be based on the best interest of the child, in accordance with the provisions of section 78B-6-133.”
Jake complied with every aspect but filing for paternity, he provided for Whitney and Jackson, financially, emotionally and physically. He prepared and planned for Jackson. Though when Jake told Whitney the requirement to file she told him that if he did that meant that he did not trust her and the funds that Jake would use to file and retain an attorney would be better used for Jackson and for their family. Whitney threatened several times if Jake did not do things she wanted he would not see his son, we can show you the text messages that support this. LDS Family attorney David Hardy has seen them and they have been submitted to the courts as well. There are over 880 texts just from November through January 5th, you will want to read them all, because Jackson will.
Respectfully,
Jennifer Hanson Graham
Grandma Graham
Saturday, December 17, 2011
Major Update:Devastating News
Many things and turn of events have occurred over the past few months in the on-going battle to fight for Jackson. I am going to try my best to bring you up to speed. Unfortunately, we have experienced many delays, set backs, heartbreaks, and loss of faith in the judicial system throughout this process.
If you remember from previous posts, clear back on May 9th, 2011, Judge Christiansen, heard our case, and was in awe with the series of events that had occurred. He recognized that Jake had not filed timely, but could see that this was due to the fact that Whitney Pettersson had blatantly lied, committed fraud, and deceived him so that he could not file the proper paperwork to protect his rights as a father. He ordered DNA testing to be completed, and really felt strongly about enjoining both cases (our case and the potential adoption case), because he knew that the outcome was going to affect both parties. After major delays on opposing counsel and the adoptive couples part to take Jackson a.k.a Benjamin in for genetic testing, the results had come in. Jackson was 100% Jake's son. Our next court hearing was scheduled for August 16th to discuss these findings.
On August 15th, 2011, we received a very surprising and frustrating call from our attorney's office that the judge had a family emergency and court was canceled the following day. We didn't feel like everything was adding up and so we proceeded to go ahead and show up to court anyways. We discovered that the judge DID NOT have a family emergency and was actually in court ready to hear our case. To our dismay though, our attorney as well as opposing counsel did not show up. This caused some great concern for the judge and demanded a telephone conference to be held that day with him, our attorney and opposing counsel from LDS Family Services. In that telephone conference, the real truth came out, that Dave Hardy(opposing counsel) is the one who took it upon himself to actually decide to cancel the hearing because he said he did not have proper notice of the hearing. When in fact, he had confirmed with Jake and Jenny in their depositions, only 2 weeks prior of the court date. This again, was one of their delay tactics, to prolong anything from moving forward with this case, and Jackson getting older and older.
In the telephone conference, the judge was notified of the DNA tests proving Jake to be the father. He then again enjoined the two cases, because opposing counsel had refused to provide our attorney with any information regarding the adoption, such as the case #, what district that case was being heard and who was representing the prospective adoption couple. The judge demanded answers to be told about this crucial information so that things could move forward. It was soon discovered that their attorney was Larry Jenkins and they had a pending case up in 2nd District in Ogden, Utah in front Judge Kay. Judge Christiansen also ordered that this case be resolved with in one district, and the way that would be determined was by who filed their paperwork first, Jake or the prospective adoptive couple.
Well, after a few weeks after this conference call, we found out we had some good news coming our way. We filed FIRST. Jake filed on January 6th, 2011, the very next day he found out about the adoption occurring, and the prospective adoptive couple filed on January 28th, 2011, giving us jurisdiction in having both enjoining cases be heard in front of Judge Christiansen. This was a very big plus for us because he already ruled in our favor once with ordering the DNA test as well as he saw the dishonest behavior of LDS Family Services Legal counsel blatantly NOT show up on purpose. Judge Christiansen ordered an evidentiary hearing to be heard in front of him to have all of the convicting evidence be shared. Judge Christansen knew he had a hard decision coming before him because he knew FRAUD was wrote into the law, and said "If I sanction fraud in my court, I will be denying a biological father thee right to his son, but if I don't I rule against this prospective adoptive couple who has grown to love and bond with this child."
Since mid-August we had not had much activity gone on since that real break through. There had been a conference call with Dave Hardy, Larry Jenkins and our attorney discussing how they would move forward and that was it. Our attorney had been working to get a new court date with Judge Christiansen and was not having much luck with opposing counsel cooperating, again another DELAY tactic.
We had unresolved business from a motion we filed originally back in January and were ordered to go back in front of the commissioner, in September, who originally heard our case and really didn't make any progress, due to her ordering us to go back to Judge Christiansen.
We had become very ancy, that no progress was being made. Calls and emails daily were being made to our attorney to see if any new updates had been made. NOTHING.
Finally, Jenny truly wanted to reach out to the adoptive couple, LDS Family Services, Dave Hardy, and families and truly just let them know what they are doing to Jackson. They aren't doing this in the best interest of the child, they are doing this in the best interest of their pocketbook. Since she is not part of this pending case, she reached out to them all via written letters. They were sent out on November 15th, 2011 and all were confirmed received within 2-3 days. Jake, nor his attorney had any knowledge of this to protect anything with the current case.
Little did we know, Larry Jenkins and the prospective adoptive couple had been collaborating and in the works with Dave Hardy on how they could try to get this thing maneuvered and finalized.
On Thanksgiving day, we received the most devastating and heartbreaking news yet throughout this whole ordeal. Jenny's father, who through the grapevine, has some connections with the prospective adoptive couple, heard that the adoption had been FINALIZED. What? How is this possible you ask? We were wondering the same thing. We could not believe this news could be true. There was NO possible way that this could happen right? We had been enjoined with the adoption case 2 different times. Since it was a holiday, we had to wait 4 grueling days until Monday, when our attorneys office was open for business. We called and had to DELIVER the devastating news to OUR own attorney. He was astonished just as we were. He immediately began calling to Larry Jenkins, Dave Hardy, and LDS Family Services, and AGAIN received NO information. Our attorney, wrote a letter to Larry Jenkins, to our dismay replied with a response we could not believe.
He informed us, that he checked with the court in 2nd District, and since Jake was not part of this adoption did not need proper notification of this adoption proceeding to move forward and that his client's were able to FINALIZE the adoption. WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? He DISOBEYED, Judge Christiansen's orders TWICE to enjoin the adoption case and our case. Judge Christiansen enjoined the cases for this EXACT reason, because he did not want someone to be able to make a final decision without both parties being heard. Judge Christiansen even filed a motion to stay on the case back in October, to make sure that their were no movements in this case until they came back in front of him. He also informed us that his clients felt threatened and would take protective action from the court if the harassment didn't stop. Which is ridiculous they would even say such a thing. There was nothing threatening wrote in the letters, it was the absolute truth, and Jenny's opinion, which she clearly states over and over she is not threatening anyone.
We will be posting the letters that were written by Grandma Graham over the next few days.
We are still 100% fighting this, and are in the process to intervene with the adoption. We are currently still awaiting to get a court date to go back before Judge Christansen, to share with him the news, that opposing counsel does not care what he rules or his orders, because he is going to go behind his back, LIE, and FRAUDULENTLY, get this adoption to go through.
Larry Jenkins was able to use FRAUD to allow his client to make a STOLEN baby theirs. They have a child who they want to bless, and get sealed in the LDS temple, and they are doing this KNOWING that they were dishonest, to get this to ultimately go through. We really aren't quite sure what they are thinking. Do they really not realize that Jackson will be 18 and we will tell him EVERYTHING? He will know the absolute truth and know that his so called parents took him against his will? They will have their world crashing down sooner than later. Time is flying by fast. Jackson is almost 1 years old. We only have to wait 17 more years to see our sweet boy.
If you feel as outraged about this as we do and did, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, voice your opinions to the adoptive couple, Larry Jenkins, LDS Family Services, Utah General Attorney Mark Shurtleff, and all of the Legislators in UTAH. This truly has to end. We can not have corrupt people creating the laws that deal with children, representing the laws that deal with children, and breaking the laws that deal with children.
Tune in tomorrow for Day 1 of the letter sequence. Also, a 4 page spread will be running in the Salt Lake Tribune, about the Utah adoption practices, ethics, and our story, beginning on Christmas Day.
Jackson, we have a had a few rough weeks with the holidays around and your birthday coming around the corner. Don't worry we have not forgotten about you and have not given up. We love you so much and will continue to fight until you are home with us and justice is serviced.
-Love,
Aunt Heidi
If you remember from previous posts, clear back on May 9th, 2011, Judge Christiansen, heard our case, and was in awe with the series of events that had occurred. He recognized that Jake had not filed timely, but could see that this was due to the fact that Whitney Pettersson had blatantly lied, committed fraud, and deceived him so that he could not file the proper paperwork to protect his rights as a father. He ordered DNA testing to be completed, and really felt strongly about enjoining both cases (our case and the potential adoption case), because he knew that the outcome was going to affect both parties. After major delays on opposing counsel and the adoptive couples part to take Jackson a.k.a Benjamin in for genetic testing, the results had come in. Jackson was 100% Jake's son. Our next court hearing was scheduled for August 16th to discuss these findings.
On August 15th, 2011, we received a very surprising and frustrating call from our attorney's office that the judge had a family emergency and court was canceled the following day. We didn't feel like everything was adding up and so we proceeded to go ahead and show up to court anyways. We discovered that the judge DID NOT have a family emergency and was actually in court ready to hear our case. To our dismay though, our attorney as well as opposing counsel did not show up. This caused some great concern for the judge and demanded a telephone conference to be held that day with him, our attorney and opposing counsel from LDS Family Services. In that telephone conference, the real truth came out, that Dave Hardy(opposing counsel) is the one who took it upon himself to actually decide to cancel the hearing because he said he did not have proper notice of the hearing. When in fact, he had confirmed with Jake and Jenny in their depositions, only 2 weeks prior of the court date. This again, was one of their delay tactics, to prolong anything from moving forward with this case, and Jackson getting older and older.
In the telephone conference, the judge was notified of the DNA tests proving Jake to be the father. He then again enjoined the two cases, because opposing counsel had refused to provide our attorney with any information regarding the adoption, such as the case #, what district that case was being heard and who was representing the prospective adoption couple. The judge demanded answers to be told about this crucial information so that things could move forward. It was soon discovered that their attorney was Larry Jenkins and they had a pending case up in 2nd District in Ogden, Utah in front Judge Kay. Judge Christiansen also ordered that this case be resolved with in one district, and the way that would be determined was by who filed their paperwork first, Jake or the prospective adoptive couple.
Well, after a few weeks after this conference call, we found out we had some good news coming our way. We filed FIRST. Jake filed on January 6th, 2011, the very next day he found out about the adoption occurring, and the prospective adoptive couple filed on January 28th, 2011, giving us jurisdiction in having both enjoining cases be heard in front of Judge Christiansen. This was a very big plus for us because he already ruled in our favor once with ordering the DNA test as well as he saw the dishonest behavior of LDS Family Services Legal counsel blatantly NOT show up on purpose. Judge Christiansen ordered an evidentiary hearing to be heard in front of him to have all of the convicting evidence be shared. Judge Christansen knew he had a hard decision coming before him because he knew FRAUD was wrote into the law, and said "If I sanction fraud in my court, I will be denying a biological father thee right to his son, but if I don't I rule against this prospective adoptive couple who has grown to love and bond with this child."
Since mid-August we had not had much activity gone on since that real break through. There had been a conference call with Dave Hardy, Larry Jenkins and our attorney discussing how they would move forward and that was it. Our attorney had been working to get a new court date with Judge Christiansen and was not having much luck with opposing counsel cooperating, again another DELAY tactic.
We had unresolved business from a motion we filed originally back in January and were ordered to go back in front of the commissioner, in September, who originally heard our case and really didn't make any progress, due to her ordering us to go back to Judge Christiansen.
We had become very ancy, that no progress was being made. Calls and emails daily were being made to our attorney to see if any new updates had been made. NOTHING.
Finally, Jenny truly wanted to reach out to the adoptive couple, LDS Family Services, Dave Hardy, and families and truly just let them know what they are doing to Jackson. They aren't doing this in the best interest of the child, they are doing this in the best interest of their pocketbook. Since she is not part of this pending case, she reached out to them all via written letters. They were sent out on November 15th, 2011 and all were confirmed received within 2-3 days. Jake, nor his attorney had any knowledge of this to protect anything with the current case.
Little did we know, Larry Jenkins and the prospective adoptive couple had been collaborating and in the works with Dave Hardy on how they could try to get this thing maneuvered and finalized.
On Thanksgiving day, we received the most devastating and heartbreaking news yet throughout this whole ordeal. Jenny's father, who through the grapevine, has some connections with the prospective adoptive couple, heard that the adoption had been FINALIZED. What? How is this possible you ask? We were wondering the same thing. We could not believe this news could be true. There was NO possible way that this could happen right? We had been enjoined with the adoption case 2 different times. Since it was a holiday, we had to wait 4 grueling days until Monday, when our attorneys office was open for business. We called and had to DELIVER the devastating news to OUR own attorney. He was astonished just as we were. He immediately began calling to Larry Jenkins, Dave Hardy, and LDS Family Services, and AGAIN received NO information. Our attorney, wrote a letter to Larry Jenkins, to our dismay replied with a response we could not believe.
He informed us, that he checked with the court in 2nd District, and since Jake was not part of this adoption did not need proper notification of this adoption proceeding to move forward and that his client's were able to FINALIZE the adoption. WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? He DISOBEYED, Judge Christiansen's orders TWICE to enjoin the adoption case and our case. Judge Christiansen enjoined the cases for this EXACT reason, because he did not want someone to be able to make a final decision without both parties being heard. Judge Christiansen even filed a motion to stay on the case back in October, to make sure that their were no movements in this case until they came back in front of him. He also informed us that his clients felt threatened and would take protective action from the court if the harassment didn't stop. Which is ridiculous they would even say such a thing. There was nothing threatening wrote in the letters, it was the absolute truth, and Jenny's opinion, which she clearly states over and over she is not threatening anyone.
We will be posting the letters that were written by Grandma Graham over the next few days.
We are still 100% fighting this, and are in the process to intervene with the adoption. We are currently still awaiting to get a court date to go back before Judge Christansen, to share with him the news, that opposing counsel does not care what he rules or his orders, because he is going to go behind his back, LIE, and FRAUDULENTLY, get this adoption to go through.
Larry Jenkins was able to use FRAUD to allow his client to make a STOLEN baby theirs. They have a child who they want to bless, and get sealed in the LDS temple, and they are doing this KNOWING that they were dishonest, to get this to ultimately go through. We really aren't quite sure what they are thinking. Do they really not realize that Jackson will be 18 and we will tell him EVERYTHING? He will know the absolute truth and know that his so called parents took him against his will? They will have their world crashing down sooner than later. Time is flying by fast. Jackson is almost 1 years old. We only have to wait 17 more years to see our sweet boy.
If you feel as outraged about this as we do and did, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE, voice your opinions to the adoptive couple, Larry Jenkins, LDS Family Services, Utah General Attorney Mark Shurtleff, and all of the Legislators in UTAH. This truly has to end. We can not have corrupt people creating the laws that deal with children, representing the laws that deal with children, and breaking the laws that deal with children.
Tune in tomorrow for Day 1 of the letter sequence. Also, a 4 page spread will be running in the Salt Lake Tribune, about the Utah adoption practices, ethics, and our story, beginning on Christmas Day.
Jackson, we have a had a few rough weeks with the holidays around and your birthday coming around the corner. Don't worry we have not forgotten about you and have not given up. We love you so much and will continue to fight until you are home with us and justice is serviced.
-Love,
Aunt Heidi
Friday, December 16, 2011
Friday, December 9, 2011
EDUCATE YOURSELF ABOUT ADOPTION
We found the honest truth from an adult adoptee, here at this blog.. http://peaceofcricket.blogspot.com/p/open-letter-to-aps-paps-and-anyone-who.html.
And this I am sure is from a perspective of someone who was not STOLEN at birth, but given up. The letter is wrote below.
An open letter to APs, PAPs, and anyone who has even considered adoption
And this I am sure is from a perspective of someone who was not STOLEN at birth, but given up. The letter is wrote below.
An open letter to APs, PAPs, and anyone who has even considered adoption
(What you are about to read may shock you. It may challenge you. And, hopefully, it may inspire you to educate yourself further on the realities of adoption. Please read the following with an open mind, and try not to take anything said here personally. Because this is not meant to be an attack or a judgment; it is meant to be an honest and heartfelt expression of one adoptee's experience that would hopefully bring understanding and respect for the often ignored portion of the adoption equation.)
To all adoptive parents, hopeful adoptive parents, and anyone who has ever even considered adoption:
Being adopted hurts. Being adopted is hard. It is not beautiful; it is brutal, it is tragic, it is a cause for great sadness. For in order for a child to even be available for adoption, that child must first go through some sort of tragedy; whether that be abuse, hunger, homelessness, neglect, or even the simple fact that he or she is losing the life and family he or she was born into. This makes adoption a thing to mourn; not a cause for celebration or joy. To be joyful about adopting a child is to be glad that this tragedy happened.
I don't think there's a soul alive who would actually choose to be born into a situation where being relinquished for adoption, voluntarily or otherwise, was necessary.
Of course there will always be a need for children to be removed from their parent(s) and placed in safer, more stable, loving homes - but please understand that no matter how good and loving and wonderful the adopting parents are, nothing will ever erase the pain, the grief, and the loss that comes with being adopted.
The very foundation of adoption is that of loss - a child loses his or her mother, father, and entire family; a mother, father and family loses one of their children. And, yes, even a loss for the adopting parent - sometimes the loss of the expectation of having their own, biological offspring, the loss of a dream of having a baby of "their own." A separation of one family MUST occur before a new one can be built through adoption. Maybe it isn't a voluntary destruction, maybe the destruction is necessary for the health and safety of the child - but it is still a destruction of the very core, fundamental foundations of that child's life that will forever be altered.
Think of it this way...one of your parents dies, and your surviving parent eventually goes on to remarry. Though you might grow to love and have a great relationship with your parent's new spouse, no amount of love and happiness in this present situation will erase the grief you feel over the loss of your other parent. So please, if you have adopted or are considering adoption, keep this in mind.
Adoption should be the very last resort after all other options have been tried. Ask yourself this - does an adoption HAVE to happen? Is there anything I can possibly do to help this young mother keep her child? Are there resources I can direct her to, items I can supply her with, can I offer her the support and encouragement she needs to be a good parent? If so, then pursuing adoption is not the right choice. Too many unnecessary adoptions happen as a permanent solution to a very temporary problem. Adoption, after all, is forever - while a current living situation, job situation, etc., is temporary and can be changed and improved. Most women who relinquish their children do so because they feel they have no other choice...but what if she does have another choice, and only needs the support and encouragement to make it?
Adopted people know we are a second choice, a "Plan B," a solution to someone else's problem. While there are some people out there who would choose adoption first, most only do so after failed attempts at pregnancy or to "complete" a family of all boys or girls or to give their current child a sibling. Adding to your family through adoption should never be about meeting some need of your own...it should always and only ever be about providing for the CHILD'S needs. Please don't put the added pressure on an adopted child by forcing them to live up to the unspoken standard of the child you couldn't conceive or the son or daughter you couldn't produce. Adoption is not a cure for infertility, nor are adopted people "gifts" to be passed around in order to complete somebody else's life. We are human beings in our own right, with our own feelings, needs, and wants. Don't add to an already painful situation by expecting us to be something we weren't born to be.
Don't fall into the terminology trap. Adoptees know they have more than one set of parents...two that created them, and the parent(s) who are raising them. ALL are real to the adoptee. Don't get caught up in who is "real" and who is more important; let your adopted child choose the terminology that suits THEM. If you have been a good and loving parent, that's all you need. Besides, a parent can love more than one child, so why can't a child be allowed to love more than one parent? The heart has an infinite capability to love. Don't begrudge your adopted child the possibility of loving people he or she may not even remember.
And don't disparage the biological parents or family either. They may be evil people, the scum of the earth...but to say anything bad about the biological family is the same as saying something bad about your adopted child. The child did come from these people, after all; and better or worse we did inherit parts of ourselves from them. The old saying applies here more than anywhere else...if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Adopted people experience a range of issues from having been adopted...many suffer from the fear of rejection and abandonment, have problems trusting others and forming relationships. After all, our very mothers could walk away from us, so what's to stop anyone else? Though not all adoptees experience these, many do, and to varying degrees. Just because the adopted person in your life hasn't mentioned it, don't think they don't feel it. Many will never, ever talk about their negative adoption issues for those exact reasons...fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, and just the overwhelmingly negative response they expect. If the adopted person in your life (your child, a friend or other family member) ever does talk about it, take your personal feelings and judgments out of it. Resist the temptation to say things like, "But you had such wonderful [adoptive] parents!" or "but you could have been aborted/thrown in a dumpster/etc.!" Adoptees are the only subset of society who are wholly expected to be grateful for our very lives, and with this expectation comes the need to try to suppress any negative emotion or feeling. Most adoptees won't even admit to themselves, let alone other people, that they are hurting. After all, we got this "better life," didn't we? We don't have the RIGHT to feel sad/angry/depressed. So many adoptees choose to stay silent and instead live a lie.
And, yes, that goes hand-in-hand with the child-parent relationship thing...remember, the PARENT is responsible for the health and well being of the CHILD, NOT the other way around. Only in adoption are adoptees somehow expected to always be careful not to "hurt" their adoptive parents; not to rock the boat or bring up something about their adoption because their PARENTS might not like it. This is another reason so many adopted people don't speak about adoption...we are afraid of hurting our adoptive parents. I know that as a parent myself, I would never expect my children to be responsible for my well-being...so please, don't ever place that expectation on adopted people either. After all, their adoptive parents WANTED to adopt, they WANTED a child, and chose this path for themselves. The adoptee most often did not choose it and had no say in the matter. Don't expect gratitude. ANYONE could have been aborted, could have been abandoned, could have been abused. These are not phenomena that are solely related to adoptees. Just because a person was adopted doesn't automatically mean they were unwanted, that they "could have been" anything...they are just people who are being raised by a different family and are living a DIFFERENT life, not necessarily a better one.
Please, if you are considering adoption or have already, educate yourself. Read books such as the Primal Wound. Read blogs by adopted people and relinquishing parents. Go into it with an open mind and open heart. Understand that there is the very real potential that the child you someday adopt might just struggle with it. And while you can be a terrific parent, a wonderful guide and mentor, the damage has already been done. Be prepared to do the hard work of helping your child deal with any grief, anger, and other issues he/she may feel. TALK to them about it. Adoptees are notorious for keeping things bottled up...let them know it's OK to talk with you about them. Reassure them that you will NOT be hurt, offended or damaged by their feelings. ALLOW them the freedom to feel whatever they feel.
If you are considering an open adoption or have entered into an open adoption, HONOR that. Unless there is some clear and present danger to the life of your child, KEEP THE COMMUNICATION OPEN. Don't cease contact with the biological family because it's an inconvenience for YOU. Understand that yes, at times it might be emotionally trying for your adopted child, your child may come away from visits or reading letters and feel depressed and angry, but don't take that as a reason to cease contact. TALK to your child. Help them understand WHY they are feeling this way. It's only natural that this might happen; and in the same breath, the biological mother/father/family may also feel overwhelmed at times and pull back, but do what you can to keep the lines of communication open. Remember, adoption is based on loss, and being reminded of that loss can be overwhelming. But that doesn't mean it should be avoided. Your adopted child will thank you someday for sacrificing your own happiness and comfort to allow him/her to keep this very important connection.
Try not to make a big celebration out of your child's adoption day (and PLEASE don't EVER use the horribly offensive and insensitive term "Gotcha Day). The same goes for birthdays. For while it may be a happy occasion to remember, keep in mind that it also marks the day that the adopted person was permanently and forever separated from their mother, their father, their original family. Birthdays are especially hard; for most adoptees have the knowledge that our births were not cause for celebration; nobody was bringing our mothers flowers and balloons and offering congratulations; our entrance into this world was one of sadness and trepidation. And it marks the day we were physically separated from our mothers; for many of us, it was the last time we ever saw her. So if the adoptee in your life withdraws around his or her birthday or doesn't appear to like celebrating, respect that. Understand that to many of us, it is not a cause for celebration.
I am not trying to tell anyone not to adopt. I am not saying, "shame on you" to anyone who already has adopted. What I am saying is, please step back and really think long and hard about the ramifications of adoption on the very person who is at the center of it all - the child you hope for or the child you have brought into your home. Be ready and willing to put a lot of hard work into helping this adopted child heal, to feel whole and complete in themselves. Be prepared to put your own needs and wants on the shelf and to put away your expectations, do what it takes to attend to the needs of your adopted child. All the love in the world, all the toys and gadgets and material things you might provide will never replace or erase what was lost.
Family preservation should always be the goal. Adoption should never, ever be utilized unless it is the last and only option left. Because adoption should be about finding homes for children in need; NOT finding children for people to fill a need. Jesus commanded us to help the orphan AND the widow...we as a society should do more to help families stay together instead of tearing them apart. Nobody really wants to be adopted...if given a choice, they'd rather their family situations could improve so that they wouldn't have to be separated. Would YOU have liked it if your mother gave you away?
Signed,
An Adult Adoptee
Friday, November 11, 2011
11.11.11
As the hype of 11.11.11 was going around today, I decided to google what the significance was of 11.11. I was surprised to find out that it could be more relate able than I thought originally. Growing up, I have had the superstition to make a wish whenever the clock struck 11:11. I don't know where, why or how this behavior became about, but it has been instilled upon me for a few years. Today, my wish was of utmost importance; BRING BABY JACK HOME!!
After searching the web for the meaning or significance, I found that many websites claimed that this was a way of angels communicating. This really struck me hard. Now, I don't know if this has any true meaning behind it or not, but right now we really need an angel watching out for us, Jackson, and Jake. This has been a long and exhausting journey, and we really hope the end is in sight. We really hope that we have some unanswered prayers and SOON. We need to have our baby home for the holidays.
Everyday, Jackson gets older and older, and develops so many characteristics, talents, and quirks, and we have been RIPPED of our right to be able to see him develop. My son, has been deprived of meeting his cousin, who is only 4 months younger than he is. We have not gotten to hold, see, or kiss on our sweet little baby. We don't even know if he is healthy or not....
We believe that everything happens for a reason. We are not sure of the reason, that this catastrophic ordeal had to happen to us or to the adoptive couple, but hopefully one day SOON, all of our questions can be answered.
We not only have a journey and purpose now to get Jackson home, but we now have a desire and lifelong goal to make sure that this does not happen to ANYONE else. We have to take a stand and not let unhealthy laws, and principals dictate the outcome of children. Please help us in this uphill journey!!!! VOICE your opinion to the UTAH STATE LEGISLATORS.
To the adoptive couple, please reach out to JAKE. He needs to meet his son. A picture is worth a 1000 words!
Jack's Aunt
Heidi
After searching the web for the meaning or significance, I found that many websites claimed that this was a way of angels communicating. This really struck me hard. Now, I don't know if this has any true meaning behind it or not, but right now we really need an angel watching out for us, Jackson, and Jake. This has been a long and exhausting journey, and we really hope the end is in sight. We really hope that we have some unanswered prayers and SOON. We need to have our baby home for the holidays.
Everyday, Jackson gets older and older, and develops so many characteristics, talents, and quirks, and we have been RIPPED of our right to be able to see him develop. My son, has been deprived of meeting his cousin, who is only 4 months younger than he is. We have not gotten to hold, see, or kiss on our sweet little baby. We don't even know if he is healthy or not....
We believe that everything happens for a reason. We are not sure of the reason, that this catastrophic ordeal had to happen to us or to the adoptive couple, but hopefully one day SOON, all of our questions can be answered.
We not only have a journey and purpose now to get Jackson home, but we now have a desire and lifelong goal to make sure that this does not happen to ANYONE else. We have to take a stand and not let unhealthy laws, and principals dictate the outcome of children. Please help us in this uphill journey!!!! VOICE your opinion to the UTAH STATE LEGISLATORS.
To the adoptive couple, please reach out to JAKE. He needs to meet his son. A picture is worth a 1000 words!
Jack's Aunt
Heidi
Thursday, October 20, 2011
To the adoptive couple
To the adoptive couple:
I just wanted to take a minute to express my deep heartfelt apologies for all that you have had to go through these past ten months. I am sure your life has been far from easy. It's unbelievable how one selfish decision, by Whitney Pettersson, could have impacted and ruined dozens of lives forever. Both our lives will be forever changed no matter the outcome of this tragic ordeal.
It's crazy how small of a world we live in. After all, we only live 45 minutes away from each other. Soon after we found out who you were, we immediately had a stronger connection than just Jack. Did you know that my mother babysat you when you were a baby, adoptive father? Look really close at the pictures in the background. Also, did you know we have reached out to the paternal grandparents and shared with them the true situation and information and they thought that they would be able to work something out? Not the case. Well, we have! We have tried to make contact with you to share with you MY side of the story, which Jack will hear someday.
Unfortunately, this "family" you have, is not based on honesty, and will one day unravel. This baby you have named "Ben" will never truly be your son. I am his biological father who loves him and ALWAYS has loved him and will fight for him until he is my arms.
This day and age, technology is everywhere. We will use this to our advantage if we have to find him one day. We have books and books of information, WE WILL share with Jackson! He will know the absolute truth.
This battle has been long and exhausting and it would be in everyone's best interest to stop this heartbreak now, before the wounds get deeper. Give Jack back and get the baby that you always wanted. One that truly was consented to adoption to be in a better home, not one that was UNRIGHTFULLY STOLEN from his father that wanted him.
To the adoptive couple, please do what is ethically and morally right. You know deep down in your heart, and the faith that you believe in, that Jackson is not meant to be with you. I understand the pain that you will be in, but it will only be so much worse, when HE can make his decisions. When he becomes an adult, and his decision is to have nothing to do with the people who betrayed him the most, his adoptive parents.
You know how to get a hold of us! Please do this so we can all move forward with our lives.
It's up to you to get Jackson home where he belongs.
PLEASE DON'T DENY JACKSON, HIS FATHER AND FAMILY.
I am dying to meet my son, and see the gorgeous little boy I have created.
Sincerely,
Jake Strickland, Jack's Grandparents, Aunt's, Uncles, SISTER, Cousins, and many many extended family and friends
I just wanted to take a minute to express my deep heartfelt apologies for all that you have had to go through these past ten months. I am sure your life has been far from easy. It's unbelievable how one selfish decision, by Whitney Pettersson, could have impacted and ruined dozens of lives forever. Both our lives will be forever changed no matter the outcome of this tragic ordeal.
It's crazy how small of a world we live in. After all, we only live 45 minutes away from each other. Soon after we found out who you were, we immediately had a stronger connection than just Jack. Did you know that my mother babysat you when you were a baby, adoptive father? Look really close at the pictures in the background. Also, did you know we have reached out to the paternal grandparents and shared with them the true situation and information and they thought that they would be able to work something out? Not the case. Well, we have! We have tried to make contact with you to share with you MY side of the story, which Jack will hear someday.
Unfortunately, this "family" you have, is not based on honesty, and will one day unravel. This baby you have named "Ben" will never truly be your son. I am his biological father who loves him and ALWAYS has loved him and will fight for him until he is my arms.
This day and age, technology is everywhere. We will use this to our advantage if we have to find him one day. We have books and books of information, WE WILL share with Jackson! He will know the absolute truth.
This battle has been long and exhausting and it would be in everyone's best interest to stop this heartbreak now, before the wounds get deeper. Give Jack back and get the baby that you always wanted. One that truly was consented to adoption to be in a better home, not one that was UNRIGHTFULLY STOLEN from his father that wanted him.
To the adoptive couple, please do what is ethically and morally right. You know deep down in your heart, and the faith that you believe in, that Jackson is not meant to be with you. I understand the pain that you will be in, but it will only be so much worse, when HE can make his decisions. When he becomes an adult, and his decision is to have nothing to do with the people who betrayed him the most, his adoptive parents.
You know how to get a hold of us! Please do this so we can all move forward with our lives.
It's up to you to get Jackson home where he belongs.
PLEASE DON'T DENY JACKSON, HIS FATHER AND FAMILY.
I am dying to meet my son, and see the gorgeous little boy I have created.
Sincerely,
Jake Strickland, Jack's Grandparents, Aunt's, Uncles, SISTER, Cousins, and many many extended family and friends
Friday, September 23, 2011
Reminder
Just a reminder about the Fundraiser Yardsale we are holding tomorrow. We will be located at 10397 South Whispering Sands Drive, South Jordan, Utah.
We have plenty of great household items such as a washer, dryer, coffee tables, lamp, bikes, twin headboards, couches, kitchen appliances, books, clothes, lawn mower, edger, and much more!
All proceeds will go to fight for the safe return of Jackson Michael Strickland!
We look forward to meeting many of our supporters.
Thank you!
We have plenty of great household items such as a washer, dryer, coffee tables, lamp, bikes, twin headboards, couches, kitchen appliances, books, clothes, lawn mower, edger, and much more!
All proceeds will go to fight for the safe return of Jackson Michael Strickland!
We look forward to meeting many of our supporters.
Thank you!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Fundraiser yard sale
We will be hosting a fundraiser yard sale on
September 24th from 7:00 AM to 12:00 PM.
The yard sale will be held in South Jordan, Utah, on 104th South and just West of Bangerter Hwy. Any and all proceeds will go to legal fees for Jake and Baby Jack that have been accrued through this whole ordeal.
If you don't have money to donate, we are looking for items to be donated as well. Please message us and we can arrange a pick up location.
See you there, and thanks in advance for all of your support!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Baby Jack's Story
Jake Strickland was expecting his first child with his ex-girlfriend. She was scheduled for a c-section on the 12th of January, 2011. He received a phone call on the 5th of January from Whitney. She told him that she had the baby on the 29th of December, 2010 at 9:19 PM at Intermountain Medical Center and had given him up for adoption, WITHOUT his consent. She put on the adoption papers, she didn't know who the father was, but in reality actually did. She was with Jake the night before at the lights downtown at temple square. She was hanging all over Jake acting like a happy couple.She had also been in communication with him the entire time as well as attended many family events. She led him to believe that they were raising this baby together, with joint custody.
Jake attended all of her doctors appointments, paid for her grocery's gave her money whenever it was necessary, played with her daughter Emery and would take her out to lunch on a weekly basis. Whitney led him to believe that even though they weren't able to work as couple they were going to raise this baby together. Jenny (Jake's mom) put in countless hours to paint a beautiful nursery. The walls are filled with hand painted baby animals. It's amazing. He had his crib, car seat stroller, clothes, diapers and all of the necessary baby items all ready for Jack. All he needed was his sweet son to have in his arms. Jake's excitement and happiness soon dissipated when he got the horrifying call.
Jake is FIGHTING 100% to get his son rightfully back. Baby Jackson was essentially STOLEN from his father. He had no say in what happened with his child. He was deceived, manipulated and lied to. Now, we have a heartbreaking situation for two families. Jake is devastated that he doesn't have his son to hold in his arms right now.
Jake is willing to do whatever it takes to get his son back. He has begun the process of reversing the adoption with the assistance of his attorney. This is going to be a long and expensive legal battle. In order to get his son back, he NEEDS an attorney. This is going to cost thousands of dollars.
Jake has set up an account at AMERICA FIRST CREDIT UNION, under the name Jake Michael Strickland, to help with the legal costs. If anyone would like to donate that would be greatly appreciated. Everything will help with this legal battle.
We will be doing fundraisers to try to help raise money for Jake. If anyone would like to contribute financially, volunteering/organizing fundraisers, or has any useful legal advice, please contact us.
Please keep Jake, his family, and the adoptive family in your thoughts and prayers. There will be no happy outcome for one family.
Jake attended all of her doctors appointments, paid for her grocery's gave her money whenever it was necessary, played with her daughter Emery and would take her out to lunch on a weekly basis. Whitney led him to believe that even though they weren't able to work as couple they were going to raise this baby together. Jenny (Jake's mom) put in countless hours to paint a beautiful nursery. The walls are filled with hand painted baby animals. It's amazing. He had his crib, car seat stroller, clothes, diapers and all of the necessary baby items all ready for Jack. All he needed was his sweet son to have in his arms. Jake's excitement and happiness soon dissipated when he got the horrifying call.
Jake is FIGHTING 100% to get his son rightfully back. Baby Jackson was essentially STOLEN from his father. He had no say in what happened with his child. He was deceived, manipulated and lied to. Now, we have a heartbreaking situation for two families. Jake is devastated that he doesn't have his son to hold in his arms right now.
Jake is willing to do whatever it takes to get his son back. He has begun the process of reversing the adoption with the assistance of his attorney. This is going to be a long and expensive legal battle. In order to get his son back, he NEEDS an attorney. This is going to cost thousands of dollars.
Jake has set up an account at AMERICA FIRST CREDIT UNION, under the name Jake Michael Strickland, to help with the legal costs. If anyone would like to donate that would be greatly appreciated. Everything will help with this legal battle.
We will be doing fundraisers to try to help raise money for Jake. If anyone would like to contribute financially, volunteering/organizing fundraisers, or has any useful legal advice, please contact us.
Please keep Jake, his family, and the adoptive family in your thoughts and prayers. There will be no happy outcome for one family.
We love you baby Jack and can't wait to meet you!
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